tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34221644674718597182024-03-13T13:03:06.120-05:00The Dutchess of DorkvilleDutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.comBlogger194125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-27107935010370163442015-07-22T02:58:00.000-05:002015-07-22T02:58:00.100-05:00A Party For WHAT?!Do you remember when you got your first period? I was 11, and on a camping trip with my Mom, and her best friend. Anyway, after going to the bathroom, I was a little freaked out. Dude, it was the 70's! Sex education didn't cover much back then! I called out for my Mom, she called her BFF into the melee, and then they gave me:
The Supplies:
A thick ass maxi pad, with Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-66648859732369195822015-07-21T00:50:00.001-05:002015-07-21T00:50:14.145-05:00Drunken Bathtub Is Back!Insanity doesn't run in my family...it wanders in slowly, greeting each person with a smile and a goddamn cookie. That said, my train of thought is seriously fucking twisted, and my brain is always on the run. Also? I have a husband, 4 fucking dogs, 3 grown kids and a couple grandchildren.
Once a week, in order to keep my head from popping smooth off, and spinning around screaming, "I Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-25516118176081779792015-07-18T02:49:00.002-05:002015-07-18T02:49:23.779-05:00Summer Is Harsh, BabyWhere have I been since late Monday evening? Well, pull up a chair kids, I have a cautionary tale for you. You might just learn something, or not, but what the hell else do you have to do? Not a damn thing, since you are here reading me, so, sit the hell down!
Anyway, the great bathing suit/exercise debacle of the PREVIOUS POST was followed by a ride on the Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-49175089039284389912015-07-13T02:56:00.000-05:002015-07-13T02:56:06.236-05:00The Summer Cycle
Every year, it's the same old routine. Summer comes, pool is opened up, the deck furniture is put out, and pretty planters brimming with gorgeous flowers are put on the hanging plant hooks that surround the deck. Poor things, will die long before summer is over, but that's a story for a different post.
After all the prep work is finished, there is the Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-49708849389440571782015-07-12T03:01:00.001-05:002015-07-12T03:03:05.454-05:00Patriotic Vajayjay? Just, NO!With all of this flag business going on, I figured I'd throw my opinion in the ring.
There are lots of things I love: Rum punch, Kenny Chesney, Corona with a lime, the beach, my beloved island, Irish Coffee, and, of course, shiny things!
There are many things I hate, dislike, and find repugnant, and high on that list is American flags as bathing suits.
I'm all for being patriotic. Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-951706293348255932015-07-11T02:38:00.003-05:002015-07-12T01:39:42.273-05:00Insect World 1 - Dutchess 0I hate bugs. Well, butterflies and lightening bugs are ok, and dragonflies are kinda cool, but as a rule of thumb, all bugs suck. If they cross my path, try to fly in my hair, (because they always do), or invade my castle, I will kill them. Nope, I don't feel bad at all, so all of you tree hugging, -ants have feelings too- assholes, sit down. Save it for someone Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-25288773195660821102015-07-10T03:30:00.001-05:002015-07-10T04:37:52.290-05:00Like A Good Neighbor...Guess what? No! Willie is NOT using my shed as a grow house! NO! I have not put up the "Hookers "R" Us" "OPEN for Business" door sign! I haven't even been found passed out naked in the front bird bath while yammering about the fucking sky falling and the pool shrinking! Your guesses suck tits, people!
"I have new neighbors!&Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-60036832121688963162015-07-09T01:11:00.000-05:002015-07-09T01:11:24.841-05:00WHOA! It's Been A Whole Year?!.Well.....here I am...dipping my toe into this water...again, and I'm not sure exactly where it's going after that.
So many things have happened since I lived, breathed, wrote, shared and put my heart and soul into this place. This blog, my own little corner of the world, started at one place, and ended somewhere entirely different. I loved every single twisty little turn. Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-51284223744330451042014-07-04T07:26:00.003-05:002014-07-04T07:26:25.187-05:00Willie stole the weedWillie stole my weed! Not sure when the fucker got in my castle. I arrived home from my vacation grabbed the magic jar only to find out that fucker was empty. Bastard did not even leave me enough to inhale fumes from!
I grabbed the jar and headed out back the castle to restock from my greenhouse. Fucking Queen's gators had a little surprise for me. I thought they looked aDutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-80744663007621096402013-07-12T22:30:00.000-05:002013-07-12T22:30:14.984-05:00Our Kingdom Is In MourningThere is no funny here today, my friends.
It is with a heavy heart, troubled mind and tear stained cheeks that I come to tell you that The Royals lost a member of our family last night.
Our sweet HOUSE MOM was taken from us far too early. I refuse to say she lost her battle with cancer, because she fought harder than anyone I have ever known. I believe she simply ran out Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-76004004628965641192013-07-02T12:28:00.001-05:002013-07-02T12:28:34.997-05:00We Snapped...Fourth of July StyleWOW! We have snapped is 7 weeks old today. I'm such a proud Dutchess!
Anyhoo...In honor of the upcoming holiday, I thought a holiday edition of We Snapped was in order. Get the words, grab the badge, put up your pics and link up! Can't wait to see what you all come up with!
This week's words are:
SUMMER FUN....PATRIOTIC....COOKOUT.....FIREWORKS
SUMMER FUN
We spend Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-77457559277047175822013-06-25T10:11:00.000-05:002013-06-25T10:18:45.079-05:00We Snapped...Week 6
Did you snap? If not, grab the badge, post your pictures and link up! Our Queen Picked the words this week, and they are... NomNom (food), Sunsets, Clouds, andToes. Have fun!
NomNom...Did someone say dessert?
Sunsets....My favorite time of day...Especially in the Caribbean.
Clouds...This was from a very destructive storm in 2011. Took out most of the Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-52517157860956797362013-06-17T09:42:00.001-05:002013-06-17T09:42:51.338-05:00I'm A Royal and I've Snapped! Week 5It is that time again...
Week 5 words were chosen by our favorite future world domination candidate
Major Sunshine
They are...Splash, Funny Face, Dads and Irony.
Here We Go!
SPLASH
The warm Caribbean waters splashing round sun warmed legs.
FUNNY FACE
Dirty messy and funny! This picture cracks me up every time I see it!
DADS
Someone once said that only the best Dad gets Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-66652485942560186412013-06-14T01:06:00.000-05:002013-06-14T01:06:33.900-05:00The Girls Are Super Freaks!While I was passed out drunk, busy, the other day, The Queen decided to wander off by herself and roam the world wide web. That? Never fucking turns out well. She found a few MEME's and, for shits and giggles, decided to join in.
I've told her a million godamn times to stay on our side of the tracks, but the bitch never listens! I'm not sure of the who, what, or Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-65829392890170971932013-06-10T00:00:00.000-05:002013-06-10T00:14:06.582-05:00We SNAPPED Week 4
It's that time again, so let's get to it.
Grab the Badge
Select your pictures for ......
TREE MAGIC...There is something magical about trees in the fall around here.
HISTORY..The Annaberg Sugar Plantation, USVI. So much history there
NATURE CLUTTER...Cactus, rocks, ocean, green plants all cluttered together and havin' a ball!
ARCHITECTURE... I truly love all of theDutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-63587834359026451212013-06-09T00:52:00.000-05:002013-06-09T01:11:39.172-05:00Dear Royals, I Told You So!disclaimer: Royals love new people and new blog-friends, (old ones too)! We're glad you're here, and look forward to getting to see your shoe collection know you. We have no expectations of you, except for you not to act like an asshole. We have no rules to follow, no conditions for hanging around, and are just plumb happy to see you folks. That said, most of Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-36828110670609102942013-06-04T05:05:00.000-05:002013-06-04T05:05:36.478-05:00The Royals Have Snapped! Week 3Ok assholes, you have officially pissed me off.
THE QUEEN and I are the official Heads/Elders/Commandants/whatthefuckever of this Royal family. As such, we have every right to be cruel heartless dictator bitches with kick ass shoes, believe in listening to our whining-bitching-moaning-complaining lovely girls and their dreams, ideas, suggestions, and glowing STD Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-56319753463497110332013-05-31T23:08:00.000-05:002013-05-31T23:08:22.039-05:00I'm Gorgeous, Be Jealous!Welcome to my refurbished digs! It's pretty fucking amazeballs in here, huh?
It's so fucking awesome in here, I might just move out of the real world, and move right into here. (because really? the real world sucks big donkey balls right now) .
I could sit in here with a huge pan of brownies, and a stupid smile on my face while incessantly repeating, "Duuude! THIS IS Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-44050075810036940752013-05-30T15:12:00.000-05:002013-05-30T16:51:42.917-05:00We Snapped A Little Late
Ok gang, it is once again, time for the Royal Picture Show.
Don't know what that is? Then 30 fucking lashes with a wet noodle! And? 100 lashes and no fucking brownies for you Royals that didn't participate last week. Do you people think we do this shit for ourselves?
Well, ok, we do, do this shit for our own amusement, but when we open our sandbox, we expect you to play, dammit!
Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-28402816999275031442013-05-20T23:03:00.001-05:002013-05-20T23:10:28.857-05:00I've Snapped, You Should Too!
So, while the Hookers are driving us all over Kingdom come, (or cum...HA! I crack myself up!) The Queen decided we needed a new game to play. After much debate, we just snapped.
You see, everyone takes pictures, even my drunken ass. The idea here is that each week, one of the Royals will pick a theme, or a word(s) they want you to snap pictures of.
Then, get to snappingDutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-66148754432776232202013-05-14T22:43:00.000-05:002013-05-14T22:43:11.488-05:00On The Road AgainAh yes, the annual Royal Bus Tour is underway.
This is the time of the year that the Queen gets all spring feverish and shit and demands we all load up, get loaded, and hit the dusty trail.
She declared it was time for us to ride, drink, smoke and let the hookers be in charge of the road trip.
They decided we needed a new bus because the stench from the last road trip has yet to come Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-68422537491135522442013-05-13T17:33:00.002-05:002013-05-13T18:40:15.989-05:00Who Are The Royals...Pay Attention!There seems to be quite a bit of confusion as to who this Royal Family is, what we do, and what our purpose here is. Well, I'm going to clear it up for you, so pay fucking attention!
The Royals are...well, HERE is a link that explains that, because that is a blog post all of it's own. Go get informed, I'll wait for you. It won't take long, I promise.
Okay, back now? Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-75126416316005167932013-05-10T11:05:00.001-05:002013-05-10T11:05:36.440-05:00A Nut Job Walks Into A Kingdom...Yeah, yeah, I know it's been 3 weeks since I last posted.
I suppose that is certainly NOT the way to get and keep a blog following. However, in my defense, I told you assholes that I am a busy woman.
After a week on my beloved island in the sun, I had to come back to the frozen fucking tundra. My first morning back, it. 'effin. snowed. and my head exploded.
My mind and body Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-16118081695550453722013-04-17T01:27:00.003-05:002013-04-17T01:33:24.113-05:00Coffee With The DutchessHello Hookers! Did ya miss me?
Of course you fucking did! If you didn't, fake it dammit! Do you know how hard it was to come back from this...
Well, let me tell you how hard. It was beautiful, warm, peaceful, sunny, and had people handing me Rum Punch drinks all. day. long. Who the hell would ever want to leave? But, here I am, back in the cold, Dutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3422164467471859718.post-77082422058636654642013-04-08T11:02:00.002-05:002013-04-08T18:20:35.080-05:00Royal House MomThe Dutchess has left the building So go see why. This blog post will remain until her return.
Many folks have applied to be a Royal over the years. Several made the cut, few made the grade. It takes a special kind of person to be counted among the Royals. You have to be a special breed. You have to be able to hang tough when it's tough. You have to be able toDutchesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00438825597738695825noreply@blogger.com2