Monday, May 20, 2013

I've Snapped, You Should Too!

wtfo

So, while the Hookers are driving us all over Kingdom come, (or cum...HA! I crack myself up!) The Queen decided we needed a new game to play.  After much debate, we just snapped.

You see, everyone takes pictures, even my drunken ass.  The idea here is that each week, one of the Royals will pick a theme, or a word(s) they want you to snap pictures of.

Then, get to snapping, and link up.  Be creative, be daring, be funny, fly that freak flag and be whoever you want.  Show us your view.  Just don't use pictures from the web that are not yours.  We frown upon stealing here. Do it and we will kick your ass and feed you to the gators.  Other than that, there are no rules

To kick this thing off, the theme this week is EARTH, WATER, WIND, and SUN/MOON.

Earth
Took Mother Dutchess to see her Grandparents

Water
My favorite place.
Wind
Nothing better than wind blowing through the palm trees in the Caribbean.
Sun
The Brother's of The Sun Kenny Chesney/Tim McGraw concert at Solider Field in Chicago, 2012.
also Sun, because I'm all about the sun.
Now, get to snapping, grab the badge and link up at The Queen's Place!

~~Until Next Time~~
xoxo

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

On The Road Again

Ah yes, the annual Royal Bus Tour is underway.

This is the time of the year that the Queen gets all spring feverish and shit and demands we all load up, get loaded, and hit the dusty trail.

She declared it was time for us to ride, drink, smoke and let the hookers be in charge of the road trip.

They decided we needed a new bus because the stench from the last  road trip has yet to come out of the leather seats.  This is what they came up with.



At least they stocked up on booze.


Then they pointed the bus toward Utah.  WTF?!  Stop the hooker bus!  Mormons don't like hookers!  I knew we would draw attention, and with the amount of brownies on this bus, we could end up in a Mormon jail for a long time.  Then someone said, "Don't worry Dutch!  We have it covered!"  Next thing I knew, this was hoisted up and strapped to the top of the bus.  Well played, Hookers, well played!

After a little..accident with a Mad Dog, we hit the road again.  I heard the hookers whispering, VIVA LAS VEGAS!

Last time a road trip took us through Vegas, it was not pretty

Holy fucking hell.  This will never end well.

Stay tuned and check out the other Royal Family Blogs for more updates.

~Until Next Time~
xoxo

Monday, May 13, 2013

Who Are The Royals...Pay Attention!

There seems to be quite a bit of confusion as to who this Royal Family is, what we do, and what our purpose here is.  Well, I'm going to clear it up for you, so pay fucking attention!

The Royals are...well, HERE is a link that explains that, because that is a blog post all of it's own.  Go get informed, I'll wait for you.  It won't take long, I promise.

Okay, back now?  Good, now for a quiz on what you learned!...Just kidding, but if you didn't check out who the Royals are, you may be lost.

"The Royals" are our fictional blogger ego's.  In real life, we are all real women. Shocker, huh? (except for Sir, but that too is another story)

The Queen and I stumbled upon each other's blogs, YEARS ago.  We found each other to be hilarious, and found we had lots in common.  Bingo-bango, a friendship was born.  She had a Daughter that blogged, who was just about the wittiest, funniest blogger I had ever read, and we all became friends.

Along the way, one of us would stumble upon another blogger, or someone would make a comment on our blogs, and one of us would introduce them to the rest of us.  Before long, we had quite a group, and it stretched from one end of this country to the other.  Although some of us are real-life family members and in person friends, most of us met via the world wide web before facebook was all the rage.

Some of us exchanged phone numbers, talked on chat, sent Christmas cards to each other, and slowly became intertwined in each other's lives.  Just like real friends do.

During some of our real life's trials, we decided we needed an outlet where we could let our imagination run.  A place where we could count on a good laugh, a place to just decompress and forget about life for a few minutes.  This is where the Royals came into being. Before long, there were many Royals coming up with stories and story lines that have given all of us, and some of you, a much needed slice of entertainment pie.

Through the years, in real life, we have gone through just about every life changing event you can think of.   We have shared laughter, sorrow, disappointment, heartbreak, good fortune, and despair.  Through anything life threw at us, we knew that at any time of the day or night there would always be someone to talk to, listen, sympathize, and even tell us to get a fucking grip, if needed.

We are Grandmothers, Mothers, daughters, and friends.  Some of us are widowed, married, divorced, and single.  Some of us are religious and some are not.  Some of us are poor, some have a little money.  Some own homes and businesses, and some rent.  Some have serious health issues, and some just have bad breath.  Some are writers, teachers, nurses, homemakers, waitresses, and more.

We are like a real life family in that if someone hurts one of us, they hurt all of us.  We don't tolerate lying, stealing, or talking behind someones back.  If you have a problem, we face it and work it out, or walk away.  No harm, no foul....unless you walk away, then come back and poke us with a stick spewing things you only assume, have made up, or are just confused about, just to run away again.

We don't go looking for trouble, looking to start childish blog wars, or looking to hurt or upset anyone.  We are here for stress relief, amusement, to have a creative outlet and to just have fun.  But, if you poke me with a stick, and shit on my front porch, you can expect to have a pissed off family biting your ass.  We are a package deal and stick together.  I'm proud to call these amazing ladies my family.

Now that you know, it's time to get on with THE ROYAL BUS TOUR 2013.  If you love the Royals, you don't want to miss it!

~Until Next Time~
xoxo

Friday, May 10, 2013

A Nut Job Walks Into A Kingdom...

Yeah, yeah, I know it's been 3 weeks since I last posted.

I suppose that is certainly NOT the way to get and keep a blog following.  However, in my defense, I told you assholes that I am a busy woman.

After a week on my beloved island in the sun, I had to come back to the frozen fucking tundra.  My first morning back, it. 'effin. snowed. and my head exploded.

My mind and body decided to stage a protest.  They baked some brownies and went back on Island Time.  A week of Island Time is equal to a day and a half, so, I really only abandoned you all for a few days, suck it.

I really hadn't planned on writing a blog post until next week.  It's busy here in Dorkville.

The Duke has a hole in his head, literally.  That's another story for another time, but know this, he is getting better, and it gives me great pleasure to say to him, "What the hell! Do you have a fucking hole in your head?!  Wait...oh yeah, you do!" Bwahahahahaha!

Princess Pandemonium is graduating from college.

It is Mother's Day weekend.  Mother Dutchess is sick, but has been off chemo for a while and is feeling better, and I will be squeezing every drop out of this weekend that I can get.

"So then, Darling Dutchess, tell us why you are here"  (fucking voices in my head...PIPE DOWN!)

I'll tell you anyway because the ass pirates in my head won't shut the fuck up without an answer.

A fucking nut job with crazy ass dreams walked back into the kingdom, and threw a temper tantrum.  I thought we sent her plagiaristic dumb ass away and banned her from OZ 6 months ago, but the fucking attention whore with crazy dreams is back.  Too bad for her.  I'm not linking her up because she is not worthy.  However, if you look HARD ENOUGH, you can FIND OUT what the hell is GOING ON .

We are a stoned peaceful, drunken, party castle with good time hookers.  We laugh, smoke, drink, tell stories and play Pac Man.  However, we do not tolerate stealing, lies, or whining.  If you keep rattling our cage and poking us with a stick, we are eventually going to bitch slap you and feed you to the gators.

Just remember, we are a family and we stick together. Like my pretend husband, Kenny Chesney, says, "You mess with one man, you got us all...".

When that happens, don't act all surprised or bitch and moan about how poor pitiful you is being stalked and picked on.  You brought it out and up, you fucking nut job, now you deal with it.  

That is all I have to say about all of this. I don't have time for fucking nut jobs with crazy ass dreams.  Those fucking brownies don't bake themselves, yo!

~Until Next Time~
xoxo

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