(Whoa! I bitched to the Queen about the royal movers, and look what happened. The movers got their asses in gear and prettied up the place. They also hooked up the beer keg, cable and free porn!)
But, I digress. On with the introductions...
There is me, The Dutchess. I'm so full of
You! Back in the corner...Shut UP! Yes you so fucking would!
However, there are more people in Dorkville that want their 15 minutes of fame. Since I am so generous, I've decided to allowed them to ride my coattails as we head for the Blogging Hall of Fame.
The Duke of Dorkville....My husband, the moneymaker, the payer of the bills, a warm body on a cold night, the giver of gold and, head Dork. (NO, I didn't say he gives head to the Duke. Pay attention SISTER DEAR or put the goddamn drink down.)
Next is my oldest daughter, The Lady In Waiting, Blondee. She is 22 and should be called the Lady -not so much- in waiting. Poor thing took after me. She is gorgeous, of course, ...
The Lady In Waiting, Priss, is up next. I'm pretty sure the hospital fucked up and gave us the wrong child. She is 19, just finished her first year in college, has a steady job, and is involved in missions trips to help children in Africa. Try as I might, she doesn't drink, do drugs, cuss, and has never had a boyfriend. She says she is saving herself for marriage. Which, HA! If she only knew that when you get married the object is less sex, more beer, and a checking account that is bigger than when you were single, but with less work for you. Sweet girl, but sticks out like a sore thumb in this family.
Finally there is Lord Crash, my 15 year old son, also known as the Spawn of Satan. I think his name says it all.
I do have some Royal Family in the blogosphere. Believe me, they are
There is my drunk ass Big Sister who is Queen of What The Fuck. I'd describe her, but seriously?
There is my niece, the original Queen's daughter, Princess K. She lives in Kansas, but has tossed the ruby slippers, bought a new castle, and upped her tiara value. She also procreated the cutest little Orge princess, and is a very talented artist. Don't let that artsy - fartsy shit fool you, she is as fucked up as the rest of us.
Lastly, there is the Queen's newly adopted daughter ,The Crazy Brunette. We couldn't let someone this fucked up run amok through the blogosphere by herself, stealing our glory. So,
Well, there you have it...The fam. my peeps, my posse. You fuck with one of us, you fuck with all of us......Unless someone has been disowned, and that? Could happen at any minute.
What!? It's true! Drugs, drinks, and crazy are not conducive for a nicey nice family get together. But I promise, we are a hell of alot of fun!
Now, I have a cold Corona screaming "DRINK ME!"
And I for one, always listen to the voices.
See you assholes next time.
AND THERE BETTER BE A FUCKING NEXT TIME BECAUSE IF I'M WRITING, YOU ASSHATS BETTER SHOW UP, READ AND COMMENT. REMEMBER, THERE ARE MANY OF US. WE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KICK YOU ASS! Be afraid, very afraid!