There are neighborhood
There is sweet corn eaten by the bundles, a small town fair, a parade and, to round it all out, a gorgeous display of fireworks. Here in Dorkville, we have a big family get together every year and I just fucking love it.
Where else would I be able to...
*Get a hotdog, a cream puff, an American flag, smoke bombs and
*Lose my goddamn hearing for a day because the sirens from the firetrucks, police cars, and ambulances in the parade are blasting full fucking volume 2 feet from where I am sitting.
*Deal with the dogs barking and howling from all the noise deep into the goddamn night.
*Watch the dry summer field next door go up in flames because the my relatives are shooting off bottle rockets under red fire flag conditions.
*Rush the same dicklick relative to the emergency room because one of the rockets blew off a finger. Interestingly enough, his last words to the Duke were, "DUDE! Watch this!".
*Go on a 3 day bender because
*Scare the hell out of the children telling them that watermelon seed they just swallowed will grow a watermelon inside their tummy.
*Blare the music outside extra loud to drown out the sound of my Mother in-laws voice before I snap and poison her fucking drink.
*Wear that ridiculous fucking red white and blue t-shirt my Mother in-law got me for Christmas. But, hey, it matches the Cat in the Hat, hat I bought.
*Make fun of my in-laws dogs who have been forced to wear ridiculous holiday outfits that the rest of the goddamn dog world will never let them live down.
*Take bets on who will be the first drunk to trip into the bonfire, get up and yell, "Whoa, did ya see that? BEER ME!".
*Just for fun, I then connect the dots of mosquito bites I got while watching the fucking fireworks down at the lake front.
*Drain and bleach the pool and my goddamn eyes after catching my Father in-law taking a midnight swim.....naked.
*And because the fun never ends here, I'll be picking up sparkler sticks in the yard until the goddamn snow flies
Yeah, good times abound here in Dorkville.