Fevered Thoughts, Kleenex and The F-bomb

Ok asshats, the Dutchess is tired and has a fucking cold. However, it is that time of the week. So, without further adieu, I bring you ...

Duke bought a handgun, for protection. I laughed my ass off because unless he has suddenly become an enemy of a Mid-west Mafia, I'm not sure what we need protecting from.

Maybe some rogue raccoon running all hairy cary on us with an Uzi. Maybe some terrorist Squirrel with a bomb taped to his body screaming "Alla Malla, lowalololawaolallamalla" while running toward the house. HA!

I lived in Texas for over 10 years and it's in the state constitution that everyone must learn proper shooting etiquette. (BTW, HOLLA MR. CLARK!!! That's a shout out to my 1st gun instructor. Sorry about the toe!)

I picture me in my new bathrobe, bleary eyed from lack of sleep, coon skin hat on, (so I can show the other rouge goddamn raccoons I mean business), storm out of the house with guns blazing.

One rouge coon looks at one terrorist squirrel and says, "Dude, they sent Granny Oakley! BWAHAHAHA"

Fucking animals.

I wish I could fly. But, as I've said before, I'm never jumping out of a plane unless it's on fucking fire and going down. Maybe I should bungee jump. On second thought, NOT with these boobs? Oh hell no. Black eyes are not a good look on anyone.

Look fuckers, I know this isn't my best post. My goddamn nose is runny, my eyes are watery, I have a fever and my fucking throat feels like sandpaper. I'm exhausted, and the night-time cold medicine, Xanax, ambien and the cold Corona I washed it all down with, is taking it's toll. Suck it.

We all know that CB got reviewed by some lame ass review blog. I won't get into it (because they are not worth anymore of my goddamn precious time), however, one of their complaints was that the Royal Family swears too much. What-EVAH!

I've been thinking, and stealing a few of these quotes I am taking my Kleenex but leaving you with this...

Times When The F-bomb Was Appropriate
"A fucking Mouse? You gotta be kidding me!" --Donald Duck

"Stupid fucking Cow!" --Mrs. O'Leary

"Where did I put the fucking handcuff keys?" --Harry Houdini

"Ok, who gave the kid the fucking stone?"--Goliath

"Where the fuck am I" --Amelia Erhart

"More wives = more pleasure...what the fuck was I thinking?"--Brigham Young

"Fucking carpet-bagging Yankees!"--General Robert E. Lee

"Prince fucking Charming my ass!" --Princess Diana

"Someone kill that fucking goat!"--Any Cubs Fan

"Un-fucking-sinkable? uh...NO!"--Captain Edward J. Smith

"Aw, c'mon, no one will fucking find out?"--Bill Clinton

"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" -- General Custer

"Oh COME ON! Any fucking idiot could understand that." -- Einstein

"It does SO fucking look like her!" -- Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras

"You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" -- Michelangelo

"I don't suppose it's gonna fucking rain." -- Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers...my ass!" -- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head!" --JFK

"What the fuck was that?!" --Mayor of Hiroshima