Marley And His Bitch

I am still fighting the Battle of the Snot. I despise having a cold, but having one at the end of summer? Suck big ass.

However, something happened around here this weekend that I have been dying to share with you.

The Duke's mother is a ridiculous pain in my goddamn ass sweet woman. For that reason, we roll our goddamn eyes and break out the allergy medicine and Kleenex all forgive her for buying the Duke Jovan Musk for every goddamn federal holiday and all his birthday's since he was old enough to slap some on and go cruising down to the local drive-in in his mustard colored Pinto.

When I saw it sitting on his computer desk the other day, I asked him about it.

"Are you thinking about wearing that shit? You know it makes all of us sneeze."

"Well, my mother is coming in a few days, so I guess I'll start wearing it now so we can all get use to it before she comes."

He'll wear it while she is here, and then I'm sure it will end up gathering dust until I send it the way of the thousand other bottles before it...

I'll give it to the homeless dude that lives behind the McDonald's dumpster. What! Even homeless people like to feel sexy. And, that shit keeps the fucking rats away.

Over the weekend, the neighbor's new puppy Marley, tried in vain to make sweet, sweet love to the Duke's leg on a few different occasions.

While I am all about letting him go at it (I mean, really, he's having his goddamn nuts removed in a week and a half. Would it really kill the Duke to let Marley do the humpity-hump while he was sucking down beers and bullshitting with the people next door? No? I didn't think so), the Duke cringes and shrieks like a fucking girl as he's shooing him away.

After the last incident, I felt the need to explain Marley's urge to dominate him.

"Honey, you know why he humps your leg, right?"

He looks at me, very seriously, and replies, "Because I'm wearing Jovan Musk?"

Oh my fucking hell, I laughed until I dissolved into an uncontrollable coughing fit and peed myself.

Oh hell, I fucking love than man!

Now back to cold medicine, the couch and shitty daytime TV.