Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Marley And His Bitch

I am still fighting the Battle of the Snot. I despise having a cold, but having one at the end of summer? Suck big ass.

However, something happened around here this weekend that I have been dying to share with you.

The Duke's mother is a ridiculous pain in my goddamn ass sweet woman. For that reason, we roll our goddamn eyes and break out the allergy medicine and Kleenex all forgive her for buying the Duke Jovan Musk for every goddamn federal holiday and all his birthday's since he was old enough to slap some on and go cruising down to the local drive-in in his mustard colored Pinto.

When I saw it sitting on his computer desk the other day, I asked him about it.

"Are you thinking about wearing that shit? You know it makes all of us sneeze."

"Well, my mother is coming in a few days, so I guess I'll start wearing it now so we can all get use to it before she comes."

He'll wear it while she is here, and then I'm sure it will end up gathering dust until I send it the way of the thousand other bottles before it...

I'll give it to the homeless dude that lives behind the McDonald's dumpster. What! Even homeless people like to feel sexy. And, that shit keeps the fucking rats away.

Over the weekend, the neighbor's new puppy Marley, tried in vain to make sweet, sweet love to the Duke's leg on a few different occasions.

While I am all about letting him go at it (I mean, really, he's having his goddamn nuts removed in a week and a half. Would it really kill the Duke to let Marley do the humpity-hump while he was sucking down beers and bullshitting with the people next door? No? I didn't think so), the Duke cringes and shrieks like a fucking girl as he's shooing him away.

After the last incident, I felt the need to explain Marley's urge to dominate him.

"Honey, you know why he humps your leg, right?"

He looks at me, very seriously, and replies, "Because I'm wearing Jovan Musk?"

Oh my fucking hell, I laughed until I dissolved into an uncontrollable coughing fit and peed myself.

Oh hell, I fucking love than man!

Now back to cold medicine, the couch and shitty daytime TV.

13 comments:

  1. Who knew Jovan Musk offered stud service enhancing properties...

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  2. That shit smells like dog pee... that is why the poor little puppy was dry humping the Duke's leg.

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  3. Daytime TV is so much more interesting when you're whacked on cold medicine.

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  4. You act surprised that the Duke is getting hit on like that since he is smelling all kinds of yummy! LOL

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  5. I love how he didn't miss a beat on the Jovan musk. sounds like something my hubby would say.

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  6. Lucky Duke. Getting the leg hump. Tell him you'll hump his leg if it would make him feel better.

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  7. Don't hunters were deer piss to attract deer? So basically the Duke is on the hunt for a little one on one time with the dog?

    Remind me to never buy that shit!LMAO

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  8. Mabye I should buy some of that shit, not that I want to get freaky with a dog but for the love of fuck it's been so long since I got any and short of investing in some rope and a sharp knife desperate times call for desperate measures

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  9. They don't call dogs man's best friend for nothing.Thanks for the laugh.

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  10. Invisible, apparently my mother unlaw. ha!

    Queen, poor puppie.

    bluzdude....Shyeeeea!

    Donda..lmao!

    Yep Dazee, but then he has to be quick witted and sharpe tongued to keep up with me. ha!

    Ariana, that would require negotiations.

    Dame Amy, just....eeeww, hell no.

    Thanks babes

    Middle, I thought so too. The Duke? Not so much.

    Wolf....oh fuck...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Best fucking laugh I've had all day.

    Mike, you are very welcome, sugar

    I thought so too McKenzie.

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