This morning I rejoiced. That's right asshats, I jumped out of bed, pirouetted throughout the hallway singing The Sound of fucking Music. Fuck you, don't judge me.
SoS just gave me a dirty look and said, "Nice Mom, REEEAL nice. I'm so happy my misery makes you feel so happy.
Today was the Spawn of Satan's first day back at school. Ohmyfuckinggod it came just in the nick of time. The boy made it though the summer, (again), without me killing him. I love him, but he is 15 1/2, and well, enough said.
I chose to celebrate and took myself to Burger King for a ham, cheese and egg crossandwich and a BK Mocha Joe.
I go in, and this is what happens.
The order taker stands with her hand poised over the register and just stares at me.
"Well, good morning to you, too. I'd like the ham, egg & cheese croissanwich value meal with a large Mocha Joe. Not the small. The large."
"I'd like that to go. Just in case you were wondering."
I hand her my debit card and wait. When she returns to me, she hands me a stained, brown paper bag and a medium Mocha Joe.
I looked at my receipt, just to be sure before I went fucking apeshit postal. Sure enough, I had paid for a large upsize.
"Excuse me, I specifically said large. You guys do this to me every single time I come through here."
"That's the size that comes with the morning value meal."
"Normally, yes. But see this right here? See? You charged me 40 cents for the upsize. I paid for a large."
"That is the large in the morning."
I stopped, mouth open and just stared at her. I seriously felt like I had just entered a whole new realm of completely fucking stupid.
"What? Are you kidding me? Do the large cups have to have their cheerios before they grow into their normal size? Is there some sort of cup fluffer that comes in here at lunch? Does sizing change all over the world when you start slinging Whoppers? What the hell are you talking about?"
"That's our large in the morning. And the large is an extra large."
"So, what's the extra large?"
"Oh, fuck me. What do I need to ask for to get a large, extra large, whatever. Look. I haven't had a morning to myself since June. I need a Mocha Joe and I can't explain to you how close I am to pulling my own head off and throwing it at you."
I get home, add Kahlua to my mocha Joe, turn on Regis and Kelly and take out my celebratory breakfast. My ham, egg & cheese croissanwich had no cheese on it. Check your nightly fucking news.