Wednesday, September 1, 2010

School and a Celebration

This morning I rejoiced. That's right asshats, I jumped out of bed, pirouetted throughout the hallway singing The Sound of fucking Music. Fuck you, don't judge me.

SoS just gave me a dirty look and said, "Nice Mom, REEEAL nice. I'm so happy my misery makes you feel so happy.

Today was the Spawn of Satan's first day back at school. Ohmyfuckinggod it came just in the nick of time. The boy made it though the summer, (again), without me killing him. I love him, but he is 15 1/2, and well, enough said.

I chose to celebrate and took myself to Burger King for a ham, cheese and egg crossandwich and a BK Mocha Joe.

I go in, and this is what happens.

The order taker stands with her hand poised over the register and just stares at me.

"Well, good morning to you, too. I'd like the ham, egg & cheese croissanwich value meal with a large Mocha Joe. Not the small. The large."


"I'd like that to go. Just in case you were wondering."


"Okey dokey."

I hand her my debit card and wait. When she returns to me, she hands me a stained, brown paper bag and a medium Mocha Joe.

I looked at my receipt, just to be sure before I went fucking apeshit postal. Sure enough, I had paid for a large upsize.

"Excuse me, I specifically said large. You guys do this to me every single time I come through here."

"That's the size that comes with the morning value meal."

"Normally, yes. But see this right here? See? You charged me 40 cents for the upsize. I paid for a large."

"That is the large in the morning."

I stopped, mouth open and just stared at her. I seriously felt like I had just entered a whole new realm of completely fucking stupid.

"What? Are you kidding me? Do the large cups have to have their cheerios before they grow into their normal size? Is there some sort of cup fluffer that comes in here at lunch? Does sizing change all over the world when you start slinging Whoppers? What the hell are you talking about?"

"That's our large in the morning. And the large is an extra large."

"So, what's the extra large?"


"Oh, fuck me. What do I need to ask for to get a large, extra large, whatever. Look. I haven't had a morning to myself since June. I need a Mocha Joe and I can't explain to you how close I am to pulling my own head off and throwing it at you."

"Forty cents."

I get home, add Kahlua to my mocha Joe, turn on Regis and Kelly and take out my celebratory breakfast. My ham, egg & cheese croissanwich had no cheese on it. Check your nightly fucking news.


  1. Now did she count back any change for you in pennies? LMAO
    How many more fast food joints are you going to suffer through?
    My demon seeds went back to school a few weeks ago, and I swear my phone has not quit ringing since! I will never get ME time I swear!

    I might end up on the news with you!

  2. I am going to lose my mind on the next place I have horrible customer service!

  3. I just knew when you said you were going to another FF place it would be bad!

  4. oh my fucking god. I would have been on the phone with the manager. Wait, no the fuck I wouldn't. I would be sending an email to the corporate location saying the same damn thing. Well, because you know, I do that. :)

  5. Normally I preach patience and kindness towards members of the service industry. But in this case, I'd make an exception.

    This kind of shit makes one's head explode, and that makes it much harder to throw at the offending party.

  6. Ah,...well, that's what you get for not going to Mac and Don's supper club! That might not be any better though. I stopped for burger and fries and decided to get a large (equivelant of a) blizzard. 3 sizes. I asked for the large. They gave me one of those cups, about the size of the ones Drs. have you do your urine sample in. I asked if it was the large and was told yes it was. Damn, I should have asked for the smallest one, I bet it would have made a good cup for my grand daughters Barbie.

  7. You do seem to have bad luck at fast food places. Maybe you would have better luck by ordering in Spanish, or ebonics.

  8. I share your glee with school beginning! My son with autism has gone back and it's one more summer that I've avoided being featured on America's Most Wanted.

    As for the coffee, that's SHIT!