Whenever I check out at the grocery store, I always grab one of those little slips that add an extra dollar amount to my bill for the local charity. The Duke gives me shit about this all the time.
Duke: "You know you're probably paying for blow and cheap strippers for some fat ass with a bad toupee.," "The amount that actually goes to the needy is 1/2 a goddamn penny."
Me: "I'm buying warm jammies and juicy boxes for homeless babies, so shut your heartless whore mouth AND LET ME HAVE MY DELUSIONS, ASSCLOWN."
Tonight, while the cashier was scanning the donation slip thing, the bagger's face seemed to show a teeny bit of forced interest.
Bagger: "What are those paper slip things?"
Cashier: "It's a donation card."
Bagger: "Oh. I thought it was a coupon."
Ok, I'm mildly interested in where this might go...
Me: "A coupon for what, sweetie?"
Bagger: "That place, you know, The Food Bank."
I smell blog material, so I decided to let this play out.
I make a lot of stupid fucking decisions.
Me: "Do you know what the Food Bank is?"
Bagger: "It's a bank. Where they keep food, ya know? The name says it all, lady."
Me: *blink* *blink* *blink* "How old are you?"
Bagger: "Almost twenty!"
About this time, I noticed another young employee now standing behind the first bagger.
Bagger #2: "Dude! You musta got your friggin' PhP or PC or whatever in 'stupid'! Ha!"
Me: "Just fucking fabulous."
These assholes will, eventually, be running our country.
Me: (turning to the cashier) "Can you hold my cart, please? I forgot the goddamn whiskey, and that just won't do."