Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Deep Thoughts From The Dutchess

BLOGGER IS FUCKED UP, AND NOT PUBLISHING MY LINE BREAKS. THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE A GIGANTIC FUCKING PARAGRAPH. SORRY IF IT'S HARD TO READ.

With the time change, a couple weeks ago, gone are the days of it being dark outside by 5:00. Now I can sit in my living room soaking up the beautiful afternoon sun that pours through the Southwest windows. Hell, it's been a long damn winter.

As I sit around, enjoying the sun, I have nothing better to do than think. We all know where that ends up, now don't we?

The last time my fucking train of thought derailed, it killed 68 passengers, 12 pedestrians and a goddamn cat. Well, cinch up the seat belt and hold onto your hat, that is what you're getting today.

However, if there are casualties, it's not on me. No one is blogging because everyone is swagging. How the fuck am I suppose to write a blog post? I steal from you fuckers write because you all inspire me to.

When your not blogging, my mind is left to roam....aimlessly...by it's self... Today I'm really stoned , not "reflecting from my bathtub". Today I'm giving you, "Thoughts from the Couch".
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Why is it that a "Test of the Emergency Broadcast System" never interrupts the commercials?

I've been babysitting my grandson a lot. I have deduced that the dinosaur's didn't go extinct. Barney showed up and they all committed fucking suicide.

Blind people should not skydive. It scares the crap out of their dogs.

Throwing Skittles and saying taste the rainbow might be fun, but don't like Skittles. I love Taco Bell... maybe I should chuck a fucking taco and scream THINK OUTSIDE THE BUN!!! to the next asshat I have to deal with.

Speaking of tacos...If southern women are called southern belles, are Mexican women called taco bells? I'm just saying'.

Southeast Wisconsin is riddled with dumb fucks living in KNOWN FLOOD PLAINS. When Spring comes, every godamn day it's, "OH NO ITS FLOODING!" I think the next time it rains, I'm going to drive by and scream, "It's okay, don't panic, I have a ShamWow!!!

New song..."If you're angry & you know it punch their face"!

What if breast implants came with squeaky toys inside!!

I want to go to McDonald's and say "I would like a McWeiner, and can I super size it that?"

OK, so if it's "tit for tat", what the hell is a tat? and do I really want to trade my tit for it??

Some days I really wish karma was instantaneous.

When the glass is half full, just add the goddamn Vodka and stir.

8 comments:

  1. paragraph breaks look good to me no issues !! :D

    "Throwing Skittles and saying taste the rainbow might be fun, but don't like Skittles. I love Taco Bell... maybe I should chuck a fucking taco and scream THINK OUTSIDE THE BUN!!! to the next asshat I have to deal with. " <--- HILARIOUS!

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  2. OMG you crack me up when you let your mind roam.. and yes,, it has been a loooonnnngggg fucking winter...

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  3. I think your new song will be my new mantra!

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  4. Eschelle, right after I posted that, it magically fixed it's self. Fucking Blogspot!

    That is what I'm here for Queenie. Wish I could say the same for you, but that evil swagging cult has you too busy to write a goddamn post! ;)

    Excellent idea Diva!

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  5. I feel your pain. I've been having my own fight with the Queen's bodyguard just because no one is giving me anything to go with. BTW, your bodyguard is the freaking best. Don't let Queenie tell you anything else. She's just fucking jealous.

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  6. DUTCH!!!! Love you and haved missed your wit and charm!

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  7. I like the new song. LOL. So glad you posted and made me smile today with your cleverness.

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  8. I LOVE your blog! My GAWD, laughing SO hard! Thank you SO much for the giggle! You are my new hero!

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