Friday, December 23, 2011

It's All Fun & Games Until You Freak Out The Dutchess

In addition to drunk hookers, theme bars, and strange, naked activities, there are other amusing and whimsical things to be found on this ship. 

At first, I thought I was just drunk and seeing thing.  Then I realized that the cruise cleaning staff can do amazing things with towels.

The first day, I found this cute seal waiting near the bathroom sink 

I found this angel on my bed that evening
The next day I found an elephant and a pig

Amusing, no?  However, I think I forgot to tip them, because things started to get a little weird.  I found this little guy the next night

and this one, which I think the Queen had something to do with
then this, WTF? Is it a monkey, or Osama Bin Laden
Then, I got drunk, and may or may not have hit on the cabin boy, because these were all over my room the next evening

Then, something happened.  Something that sent shivers down my spine.  I walked into my room and found this...

I seriously hate swans, geese and goats.  There was a traumatic zoo incident back in the 70's that I refuse to talk about.  Suffice it to say, those fucking things creep me out. 

After a slight panic attack, a 5th of Cruzan Rum, and a little somethin' somethin' from my good friend Willie, I calmed down.

The Queen thought it was fucking hilarious.  All of a sudden, everywhere I look, there are motherfucking swans...

That's is it.  I have to get off this goddamn boat.


  1. No one3 jumpsship over a swan bitch.. lighr one up and they'll soon look like dildos....

  2. I think the cabin boy is a little messed up if you ask me.

  3. dildos = swans??!?!?!?!?!

    Oh just fucking great, now I'll have a dildo phobia and then I'll have to go back to relying on The Duke, and then I will be sexually frustrated, and then there will be hell to pay!

    Dazee, THAT'S WHAT I SAID! I think he may be on the Most Wanted List. sendhelp