I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out a way to bust out of this fucking Circ de la Psycho.
First, I thought that maybe Queenie and I could just flat out make a break for it during our allotted 1 hour of R&R out in the yard.
Then I realized that for that to actually work, The Queen and I would have to run up to a ten foot wall, jump, pull ourselves up and fling ourselves over said ten foot wall. That would be followed by a 2 mile run, dodge and roll to the main road.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! After all of the years spent drinking, smoking, drinking, partying and drinking the Queen and I do not possess the extreme athletic ability needed for this scenario to actually work. Scratch that idea.
Next, I decided to crawl up and into the ceiling to try to find a way out. Not trusting me to come back and get her, Queenie insisted I take her with me. So, I hoisted Queenie;s ass up into the ceiling, and we were on our way to freedom. YES!...
NOPE...halfway to freedom, the motherfucking smoke alarms started going off. Apparently, my goddamn chain smoking sister forgot the fucking smoke detectors are positioned...ON THE CEILING! Needless to say, they found us..EPIC .FAIL!
Maybe I've been over thinking this bitch. It's time to have a brownie and a glass of Queenie's Homemade Rehab Wine. PING! I have, another, kick ass idea!
I'm going to feign severe liver pain, double over and start screaming like a fucking crack whore on a three day binge. Surely they will have to investigate and check up on my liver, intestines, or something, right? Right!
Then I'm going to demand that my Sister must come along because those MRI tubes freak me the fuck out. I'm going to play the screaming crack whore role again until they let her come with me just to shut my ass up!
I can see it now...They will take me upstairs in a wheel chair, with Queenie by my side, and will walk off, leaving us siting in the hallway of an unsecured area for a good 20 minutes alone, because that is exactly what happens every fucking time I've ever had any xray or scan done.
When the assholes finally do send someone back to check on us, it will inevitably be a young nursing student that weighs about 90 fucking pounds.She will never see it coming, and in a flash, we will have gagged her, stolen her key card and locked that skinny bitch a broom closet.
By the time anyone finds her and realized we're gone, we will already be south of the border, laying on a beach in Puerto de Gin-n-Tonic.!
Until Next Time~