Tis’ the drunken dutchess. Have I told you that I love drinking? I am one with the alcohol...like a ninja with his nun chucks.
Hell, I can damn near focus on the screen while I type this. Shhhyeah, I fucking kick ass!
Can I just say that
1- I loooooove spell check, (no did NOT just type slepp instead of spell).
2- it took me almost 4 fucking minutes to write that shit.
Welcome to Dutchess' Drunk Blogging 101, bitches!
I've decided that drunk blogging is the new drunk texting which used to be drunk dialing before everyone(including my goddamn mexican landscaper) stopped talking to one another and started texting and twatting.
I had a post all ready to go about an event related to the Blog Bash, I talked about in yesterdays post. I was going to tell you about the Twitter party of the Bash that took place last night. Then I looked at what I'd written thought, "Well this is a load of bullshit", so I deleted the piece of shit. Why?
Because it was all a goddamn lie. I didn't go to the shitty Twitter/Twatter whatthefuckever Party. I'm glad I didn't go because it could have gotten ugly. But, that is a whole other can of motherfucking worms I'm just not going to open right now.
The truth is, I got lost in a vat of Mojitos while watching Big Brother. (shut UP you douchebag BB haters)! That show tops my summer Must See TV list.
Well, fuckity fuck fuck... I lied again, so what, sue my fat ass. Rescue Me rocks my motherfucking socks off and is my FAV summer show with BB running a close second.
Either way, I drank, smoked, watched BB and forgot about the fucking Twitter Twatter Bash Party thingy. I told you I wasn't good at following rules. Oh well, Tough shit.
But I digress. From a non-existent fucking point. (Seriously assbags, if you even knew the backspaces involved in this entry you would give me a medal!
If I weren’t paying attention this entire post would be all "srrriousslkky… ig yooor eben knew motrrkurrr…" and I would totaly expect you sluts to know what I fucking meant.
But, whatever...moving on. (Should I tell you I have this goddamn post blown up to 150% in mircosoft word so that I can focus on it?)
Cake. Better yet, Cupcakes. Have I told you I love cupcakes almost as much as I love my Corona? Yes, I, your Dutchess has a serious obsession with cupcakes.
It may or may not be related to the amount of tokey tokey I do, but so what, that isn't the focus, shut the hell up. This is all about the cupcakes....or lack thereof.
Someone ate the last cupcake. There will be motherfucking hell to pay. As soon as the double vision and room spiny thing stops.
This concludes Drunken Blogging With the Dutchess.
Now, send me cupcakes bitches... and don't forget about this....
IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, IF YOU DO NOT CUSS, AND IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE "PRETTY PLEASE FOLLOW ME" TYPE DOUCHFACE...DO NOT PLAY.
Go fuck your self and leave.
The F.U.F.F.. Is for ass kicking, badass, awesome, people that are not concerned about being family friendly, politically correct, or proper.
We may be dirty, we may be loud, drunk, or high. But I promise, we will hat will rock your motherfucking socks off!