Tuesday, August 10, 2010

An Award...Sort Of

Ok, the Royal Family got this award from Amy J a couple weeks back. Sweeeet! Right?

Well, not exactly. This fucker came with rules, and questions and directions. When I received this fucking award, I was in Vegas, and much too drunk distracted, to figure out how to play along.

Guess what, you lucky fucks? The damn cursor seems to be mocking me today. Bastard. I can't seem to string enough coherent sentences together to come up with a post, so I'm going to treat you to this fucking Award post thing. Whatever.

So the rules (which I didn't make because we all know the Royal family doesn't do rules) of the award are fairly simple. I either choose to be nice and pass this to 10 people or be naughty and pass it to 5 people. Then I just answer some questions!

I will choose 5 people because, well, obviously.

First I have to answer the damn questions.

1. What is the silliest prank you ever played on someone?
Well, it may have been slightly illegal, and if I told you, I'd have to kill you.

2. If you could take a trip anywhere out of the country where would you go? Why?
The Caribbean...Virgin Islands, hands down. Sun, sea, fruity drinks, white sand beaches, bottomless Coronas, cabana boys, kick ass sunsets. I could go on and on, but I won't.

3. Who plays the most influential role in your life?
Well, I would have to say Jim Beam. What!? Fuck you asshat, don't judge me!

4. Are you ok with your significant other being friends with an ex?
Yep, there is room in the backyard to bury both of those fuckers. They can be friends for all of goddamn eternity.

5. Favorite candle scent?
Coffee. It drowns out the funk wafting out of the Spawn of Satan's room. Heads up to all of you that have small boys. One day, that cute little boy will wake up with a goddamn chip on his shoulder the size of Montana, smelling like, ass, feet and sweat that you would swear comes from a dead fucking body. Even with his bedroom door closed, the motherfucking funk permeates the hallway. Either stock up on candles, Lysol and air fresheners, or just kill the little shit when he turns 15.

6. Next movie you're excited about seeing?
I don't go to the movies. They frown on my BYOB policy. Fuckers should sell beer then, but whatever. However, I DID make the Duke take me to see the Kenny Chesney Live and In 3D movie in April. It was KENNY...come on! I love me some Kenny.

7. You must ban one word from the dictionary and all usage, to be no longer uttered or written. What word do you ban?
Democrat. If it isn't self explanatory, tough shit. Just move on to the next question you goddamn tree hugging liberal!

8. Do you have any relatives in jail?
No, but the day isn't over yet.

9. What crazy fads were popular when you were a teenager?
I lived in Texas, so it was all about boots, wrangler jeans, cowboy hats, which I fucking rocked, by the way, mullets and big fucking hair.

10. Have you ever been mentioned in a newspaper or on TV?
Well, there was the time that I made the 10:00 news. There may or may not have been handcuffs involved. Bite Me Bitches!

Now I have to pick 5 people. Well, fuck that. I don't play by the rules. If you want the award, grab it and play along...or not. I don't give a shit, it's Beer:30 and I have a date with a Corona and a slice of lime.


  1. LMAO! I swear that I didn't make up the rules on this award! I hate all the questions too, but damn it, when you get bored and have nothing else to post it just works out!

  2. Its kinda fucked up that you didnt pick me. I am beautiful and wonderful. Isn't that what the award was for?

    Great answers!

  3. I think there was a typo in your answer to #2. You meant to say bottomless cabana boy, right?

  4. Hysterical. I love me a Conservative, but hard to find these days . . . in So Cal.