Monday, August 16, 2010

She's A Demanding Bitch

I'm talking about her...

In the past few days she has ordered us to donate to someone in need, participate in her Question and Answer shit, to play nice with others, and to adopt a new Royal Family Member. If that weren't enough, we have to keep up with her usual "Get to your work corner, Get me a drink, Feed the goddamn gators, and Where is my Xanax."

See what I mean? She is a demanding bitch, huh? However, because I'm afraid of that crazy whore, and I want my hands on that Beer Tab Crown, I placate her ass.

That said, here is the Queen's version on Question and Answer.

1. Do you sit or squat to pee in a public toilet?
I drink so much alcohol that squatting is just asking to fall over. Plus, with the alcohol content that is in my system? The fucking germs don't stand a chance.

2. Do you wipe back to front, or did your Momma teach you to wipe front to back?
Crazy bitch, what the fuck kind of question is that? If she would have installed that goddamn Super-Mega Blow-Out Your Hole Bidet, this wouldn't be a burning need to know question.

3. How many of your fellow bloggers have you become real life friends with? I don't mean you have met face to face, but that you have phone calls with, exchange email or facebook with daily, that kind of things.
Quite a few, actually. But, only on facebook and e-mail. I charge for phone calls and face to face meetings...Sorry, the Whorehouse I live in frowns upon freebies.

4. Do you allow your family to read your blog?
Why, for fuck sake, would I do that? Don't you watch TV? Mutiny never fucking ends well for a Royal Family.

5. If you have a spouse, do they know about your blog?
Again, hell no. The Duke is a fame whore. If he found out about this blog, he'd want to be part of every goddamn post.

6. Do you have a blog posse'? If so, who are they?
Why yes, I do. They are the Royal Family aka The Kansas Posse. They will kill a bitch for sport.

7. Do you post true to life?
Hello? Have you read me? No one could make this shit up. I do reserve the right to be sarcastic though.

8. If you could get one blogger to follow or comment, who would it be?I wonder if Jim Beam has a blog.

9. Did you design your own blog?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Umm, Hello, I'm the Dutchess. I'm technically challenged and I like it that way.

10. How much do you hate these question and answer things?
More than a goddamn Democrat the night before an election.



  2. LMAO! I love it when you go off on the fucking Democrats!

  3. Hey .. who you callin bitch, bitch? and since when is being a bitch.. a bad thing in our family?

    Princess just walked by and said "what are you laughing about" I said.. "Dutchess's blog".. she said.. "nuff said"

    You are on a roll skank face.. I heart your skanky face..

  4. The Queen souns like a real ball buster.......does she know my ex wife by any chance. If she does I'm changing my name Pedro Quan Valecruz and moving to Mexico where I shall learn to farm coffee beans while selling illegal fireworks to American tourists. Viva La Mexico

  5. Donda, thank you very much.

    Amy J, just doing my part to stick it to the cult that is Obama.

    Sweet Bitchy Queen, bitch is a form of high praise. Honest. I'm not on a roll, I just haven't been sober for weeks!

    Wolf, I laughed so goddamn hard at your comment. That shit was just fucking funny.

  6. Down to earth answers written with your usual satiric wit. You are one funny lady.

  7. We got a report that the reason you were not weighing in on the debate about the nominee was because you went rogue last night and worked a street corner without giving the house a cut.

    Hey skank.. one for all and all for the Queen's gin supply. I pay the food and the rent and the utilities.. you keep your ass on the street and give the money to me....

    heart you..long time..

  8. I can always rely on you to make me giggle, love your blog!