I love being the Dutchess, honestly. Dorkville is where I let my creative mind have an outlet. It's a place to share the wacky stories of my freak magnet filled life, a place where I can be a member of the outrageous Royal Family, and have a blast doing it.
However, underneath the Dutchess, is a real live woman. This real live woman has dents, dimples and flaws. I need an outlet for my real life too. I thought about creating another blog just for that, but then decided that was too much fucking work. This is my place, this is where I belong, and thus, this is where I will continue to write.
Most of the time, I will be the Dutchess you all know, love and have become dependant on for your daily guffaw. However, sometimes, just sometimes, you are going to get the real live woman. Today is one of those times.
I was diagnosed with serious clinical depression (among other things) years ago. For the most part, I have it under control. This time of year is particularly tricky to navigate as the days are shorter, the skies are greyer, and I'm cooped up in the house because of the harsh upper Midwest winters. It's cold and we got our first real snow of the season Friday and Saturday.
Lately, it's been hard to find my funny, to see the vibrant colors of life, and to find simple joy. I don't want to do anything except read, sleep, and stay in my pajamas. I have no energy to do anything.
I sit here tonight staring at a naked Christmas tree, and I honestly have no desire to decorate it. I have no desire to bake, shop, wrap presents, or whip the house into a Christmas wonderland.
But, tomorrow is another day and with each new day comes a new chance.
PS. I will continue to protect my identity be remaining the Dutchess. There are good reasons for that and one day, I may share them with you.