Tuesday, December 20, 2011
A Christmas Scavenger Hunt...Royal Style
I'm drunk, my sweet laptop caught a goddamn bad, bad, ju-ju virus, and no one told me the Royal Scavenger Hunt
required me to traipse my big drunk ass around this giant floating fucking city searching for items on a list.
I couldn't find my goddamn room last night. How in the hell am I going to find shit on a list?
The crap I do for this fucking family (sigh)....here we go
First on the stupid list, Christmas Lights. After this picture was taken, the crazy ass hookers fell into the hot tub, and it did NOT end well. On the bright side, any John with a poodle hair fetish needn't look any further.
Next up, a Christmas Tree...My drunken sister thought it said a Christmas KNEE. I keep telling her she needs to wear her damn reading glasses....
Then w e were to find something red...That was a no brainer...my prized possession.
Then something green....another no brainer...another prized possession. After taking this pic, a little smoke break was in order.
However, after that break, things started to get weird.
A mini Santa was the next thing to find. Ho Ho HO WHAT THE HELL? A Santa with his dick in a box! (if you don't get that joke, search You Tube for SNL Dick in a Box, assholes.)
Find a silly hat was next up. BTW, I'm pretty sure this is the new Captain of the ship, so if we get lost in the Bermuda triangle, you'll know why....The Captain was a dickhead
Onto the next item, it said I had to find a motherfucking Pirate...I called a few hookers to help...
I SAID A motherfucking pirate, skanks!! I did NOT say PIRATE FUCKERS!
The next item was to fins a real, live, Santa. I swear to you, I must be a fucking FREAK magnet. This is the Santa I found, All I can say is, I'm glad we left orge child and all of the other crotch parasites back home.
After finding this? I had had, enough. I set that motherfucking list on fire, fired up a scooby, and headed to the nearest deck with a bar.
I'm sure glad that tomorrow, we will be docking at an island for the day. I've got to pick up some fresh brownies and more eye wash. That Santa picture is burned into my damn retina.
Stay tuned for more of the Royal's High Sea's Adventure, assholes.