Drunken Reflections From A Ship Bathtub

I can't stand this pigsty of a ship.  I know you all are hookers, but for fuck sake, have a little Royal Pride and pick up your goddamn wrappers.

Because they are all ruining my buzz, driving me crazy, I decided a long, drunken soak in the tub was in order.

I ordered a box of wine, lit fire to any and all swan towels I saw, filled up the stateroom's bathtub with hot water, and climbed on in.

That's right assholes, The Dutchess is about to give you a belated Christmas Present. 

It's the return of ...

"Proof that a box of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the fucking world."

These hookers are on my last nerve.  That they are still on board and alive is proof that miracles do happen every day!! I didn't choke the stupid out of anyone today. See.. a fucking Miracle!

I had tacos for lunch today and since then, I've been wondering something. If southern women are called southern belles, should we call Mexican women taco bells?

Because we are on a Cruise, and I forgot to pack the weed whacker, I succumbed to a Brazilian wax yesterday.  Now? My goddamn pussy is so swollen it looks like I'm hiding Mick fucking Jagger inside of my twat, except there was no room for his fucking lips.  I'm going back to the "natural" look.  Fuck you.

OK, so if it's "tit for tat", what the hell is a tat? and do I really want to trade my tit for it??  My tits are huge, and it better be worth it.

After watching Toddlers and Tiaras, I wanted to ask the Mom of the little kid wearing too much make up if she got gang banged by a fucking Crayola box.

Shower heads are great, but what about a vibrating tampon?  It could make the "wrong time of the month", the right time of the month!!  Just sayin'

As we have previously established, my boobs are huge. My bras are the size of a goddamn party tent. 

Apparently, my bra also doubles as the Bermuda fucking Triangle. It collects random shit throughout the day, without me noticing.  Stripping for today's bathtub session, I found enough fucking food particles to feed a starving Ethiopian child for a day.  Fucking crunch tacos are my downfall.

Well, that's all the wisdom I'm imparting to you asshats today.

You can thank me by way of cash, grass, or rum, later.