Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A New Weekly Habit

Hello Royal Watchers!

I have a full e-mail inbox.  I get e-mails from all over the world. 
*Some of it is hate mail.  (fuck you assholes)
*Some of it is junk, (no, really, I do not need any penis enlargement cream). 
*Some of it is from prison inmates that want dirty pictures of the Royal Family. (pervs!)
*Some of it is from people begging to be part of the Royal Family. (sorry, we are no longer accepting applications for Royals.  (but we will always accept booze!)
*There are some e-mails from people who are just curious to know what goes on in the Royal Castle. 

SO, being the loving, drunken, kind, stoned, Dutchess that I am, I have decided to implement a new weekly blog.  I bring you...

Dear Dutchess

That's right, you lucky assholes!  Every week I will pour through my inbox and pick out certain letters and questions that sent bribes  I will then put here and answer them. 

Don't roll your fucking eyes, ass wipes!  This will be fun. 

Get to your damn computer and ask me anything. 
Got a question about the Royals?  Just Ask. 
Got a problem, dilemma, or a bitchy Mother In-law?  Send it in.
Need to know how to make a killer Rum Punch?  I'm your girl! 

Then, just shoot me the e-mail at:

Simple, yes?

Here is an example.  I received this e-mail yesterday.
Dear Dutchess,
I LOVE the Royal family, and NEVER miss a blog post.  You Royals sure know how to par-tay.  I was wondering, what do you all do when you are not road tripping, cruising, or throwing a party?
Love, Your #1 Fan 

Dear #1 Fan,
Although your enthusiasm is a little creepy, I will let you in on a little nightly ritual we partake in.   
The Queen, myself, and the Two Royal Princess-es get together every night.  The gators took this video last night. 

We sometimes dance around naked, but trust me, you don't want to see that.

Now, the success of this new weekly post depends on YOU. Don't let me down fuckers. I know where you live and I also have a shovel, duck tape, and a tarp and I'm not afraid to use them.

I am sure that one day someone will make a fancy button for Dear Dutchess, but for now, pretend.


  1. He he.. bet the dame has one for you by sun up... if her head quit hurting.. I'm going to love this.. remember when they spammed our emails begging to have the secret sauce... dumb asses,, didn't know.. it was Sauced in Secret! LOL

  2. OMG just got home I think FAcebook is down..someone bring me gin.. I have the shakes!!!!!

  3. Great idea i'll have to think of a good one!

  4. Very interesting... I really like it... Thank you so much...
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