Hello Hookers! Did ya miss me?
Of course you fucking did! If you didn't, fake it dammit! Do you know how hard it was to come back from this...
Well, let me tell you how hard. It was beautiful, warm, peaceful, sunny, and had people handing me Rum Punch drinks all. day. long. Who the hell would ever want to leave? But, here I am, back in the cold, rainy, noisy, no one handing me Rum Punches, chaos that is my life.
Since getting back, the Ice Princess has told me she is preggers. Did I mention she is not currently dating, engaged, married, or even shacking up with anyone? (the new baby's Daddy is a motherfucking lazy, jobless, bully. She knows how to pick 'em, huh.
She also lost her job, but is applying at Burger King, and can barely take care of herself and Prince Charming, (whose Daddy is currently in jail), as it is. Matter of fact, she can't even do that. I help this kid every month with free daycare, gas money, rent money when she needs help, and etc. Now, I love my daughter very much, I just think she must have sold her goddamn brain, or lost that fucker somewhere. She has always made shitty choices, without giving any thought to consequences, reactions, repercussions, or how if affects everyone else. Fan-fucking-tastic!
Princess Pandemonium informs us that she will be living here at least through the summer, and that we are out of laundry soap, bread, and bon-bons. Oh yeah, by the way, the money tree in the backyard is empty. Did I mention she is a college graduate, 22 years old, and driving me insane?!
The Court Jester told Duke and I last night that he thinks he made a mistake in signing up for college, he is depressed because football is over and he had sex with his girlfriend in our basement. Well isn't that just fucking peachy.
I looked at Duke, ate a pan of brownies, said fuck it, and was just about to jump into the goddamn gator pond when my sister, The Queen, grabbed my arm.
I started whining, crying and woe-is-me-ing about my life. She looked at me, rolled her eyes, and told me to get a fucking grip.
While I was gone, she was busy building a new kingdom. A kingdom where you can not only live chat with royalty, but there is sunshine, rainbows, unicorns shitting fairy dust, brownies for everyone, and even a Royal Game Room.
IT HAS PAC MAN, BITCHES!
Hi, I'm The Dutchess and I've been addicted to Pac Man since the 80's. Don't judge me, assholes.
Sounds like a little psychedelic piece of Heaven, no? Well, it is, and trust me, you will want to visit. You can get there by going back to the top of my page and clicking on the tab that says "Hit The Coffee Club Scene"
If you have any questions, I'm technologically stupid, so you'll have to buzz The Queen. She knows everything.
Shhhh! Do you hear that?
Until Next Time~