Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Coffee With The Dutchess

Hello Hookers!  Did ya miss me?

Of course you fucking did!  If you didn't, fake it dammit!  Do you know how hard it was to come back from this...



Well, let me tell you how hard.  It was beautiful, warm, peaceful, sunny, and had people handing me Rum Punch drinks all. day. long.  Who the hell would ever want to leave?  But, here I am, back in the cold, rainy, noisy, no one handing me Rum Punches, chaos that is my life.

Since getting back, the Ice Princess has told me she is preggers.  Did I mention she is not currently dating, engaged, married, or even shacking up with anyone?  (the new baby's Daddy is a motherfucking lazy, jobless, bully.  She knows how to pick 'em, huh.

She also lost her job, but is applying at Burger King, and can barely take care of herself and Prince Charming, (whose Daddy is currently in jail), as it is.  Matter of fact, she can't even do that.  I help this kid every month with free daycare, gas money, rent money when she needs help, and etc.  Now, I love my daughter very much, I just think she must have sold her goddamn brain, or lost that fucker somewhere.  She has always made shitty choices, without giving any thought to consequences, reactions, repercussions, or how if affects everyone else.  Fan-fucking-tastic!

Princess Pandemonium informs us that she will be living here at least through the summer, and that we are out of laundry soap, bread, and bon-bons.  Oh yeah, by the way, the money tree in the backyard is empty. Did I mention she is a college graduate, 22 years old, and driving me insane?!

The Court Jester told Duke and I last night that he thinks he made a mistake in signing up for college, he is depressed because football is over and he had sex with his girlfriend in our basement.  Well isn't that just fucking peachy.

I looked at Duke, ate a pan of brownies, said fuck it, and was just about to jump into the goddamn gator pond when my sister, The Queen, grabbed my arm.

I started whining, crying and woe-is-me-ing about my life.  She looked at me, rolled her eyes, and told me to get a fucking grip.

While I was gone, she was busy building a new kingdom.  A kingdom where you can not only live chat with royalty, but there is sunshine, rainbows, unicorns shitting fairy dust, brownies for everyone, and even a Royal Game Room.

IT HAS PAC MAN, BITCHES!

Hi, I'm The Dutchess and I've been addicted to Pac Man since the 80's.  Don't judge me, assholes.

Sounds like a little psychedelic piece of Heaven, no?  Well, it is, and trust me, you will want to visit.  You can get there by going back to the top of my page and clicking on the tab that says "Hit The Coffee Club Scene"

If you have any questions, I'm technologically stupid, so you'll have to buzz The Queen.  She knows everything.

Shhhh!  Do you hear that?

~~wonka-wonka-wonka.....~~
  Squee!

Until Next Time~
xoxo

5 comments:

  1. Welcome home bitch. I've missed your ass. I hope you are loving all the new additions and wings I've added to our kingdom.

    I'm pretty sure you know how to chat.. cause.. um.. I've chatted with you.

    I have given you three choices for chat over there.. cause I love your ole ass..

    You can private chat with the old ladies,, see me for the password..

    You can sort of private chat with our royal subjects.. see me for the password..

    You have control over who enters your part of the kingdom.. needs approval to join..

    you have a section of royal family and friends.. where anyone can join...

    and .. you have an open chat room.. No one can come in anonymous, but they have a shit load of ways to enter..

    You also have a blog roll page.. old and new friends.. which I'm still building..

    you have Royals Tell all... and The Royal Diner.. connected to the community..

    see.. I do love your hooker face cause it's all blogger based... and I know you understand how to get around a blog...

    now.. give me some damn feedback.. or at least let me know the shit works..

    fucking hookers piss me off when they all go on vacation at the same time...

    asswipes..

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  2. I've wandered into the kingdom while you were gone so I'm lurking here now too LOL. ^^she started it ;)

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    Replies
    1. LOL a true Princess.. Blame the Queen. You gotta love this girl, Dutchess.

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  3. I missed you~! Made me snort laugh my coffee. Thank you! And I am so jealous over your beach vacay. Oy. I need one. And a cabana boy handing me drinks. Alas...my money tree is not only empty, but dead. LMAO. Welcome back!

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  4. Hi PrincessMommyPants! Nice to meet you, sorry it took to long to acknowledge you over there!

    Momma Fargo, always a pleasure to make you snort coffee!

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