Friday, May 10, 2013

A Nut Job Walks Into A Kingdom...

Yeah, yeah, I know it's been 3 weeks since I last posted.

I suppose that is certainly NOT the way to get and keep a blog following.  However, in my defense, I told you assholes that I am a busy woman.

After a week on my beloved island in the sun, I had to come back to the frozen fucking tundra.  My first morning back, it. 'effin. snowed. and my head exploded.

My mind and body decided to stage a protest.  They baked some brownies and went back on Island Time.  A week of Island Time is equal to a day and a half, so, I really only abandoned you all for a few days, suck it.

I really hadn't planned on writing a blog post until next week.  It's busy here in Dorkville.

The Duke has a hole in his head, literally.  That's another story for another time, but know this, he is getting better, and it gives me great pleasure to say to him, "What the hell! Do you have a fucking hole in your head?!  Wait...oh yeah, you do!" Bwahahahahaha!

Princess Pandemonium is graduating from college.

It is Mother's Day weekend.  Mother Dutchess is sick, but has been off chemo for a while and is feeling better, and I will be squeezing every drop out of this weekend that I can get.

"So then, Darling Dutchess, tell us why you are here"  (fucking voices in my head...PIPE DOWN!)

I'll tell you anyway because the ass pirates in my head won't shut the fuck up without an answer.

A fucking nut job with crazy ass dreams walked back into the kingdom, and threw a temper tantrum.  I thought we sent her plagiaristic dumb ass away and banned her from OZ 6 months ago, but the fucking attention whore with crazy dreams is back.  Too bad for her.  I'm not linking her up because she is not worthy.  However, if you look HARD ENOUGH, you can FIND OUT what the hell is GOING ON .

We are a stoned peaceful, drunken, party castle with good time hookers.  We laugh, smoke, drink, tell stories and play Pac Man.  However, we do not tolerate stealing, lies, or whining.  If you keep rattling our cage and poking us with a stick, we are eventually going to bitch slap you and feed you to the gators.

Just remember, we are a family and we stick together. Like my pretend husband, Kenny Chesney, says, "You mess with one man, you got us all...".

When that happens, don't act all surprised or bitch and moan about how poor pitiful you is being stalked and picked on.  You brought it out and up, you fucking nut job, now you deal with it.  

That is all I have to say about all of this. I don't have time for fucking nut jobs with crazy ass dreams.  Those fucking brownies don't bake themselves, yo!

~Until Next Time~


  1. I'm LMAO at all the random things I would say to the duke right now... it puts a whole new meaning to "I need that like a hole in the head!" <3 you Dutch, have a great weekend!!

    1. Major Sunshine, it does put a whole new meaning to "I need that like a hole in the head", one I spend hours cracking myself up with. <3 you too kiddo

  2. Oh Dutchess.. stuff browning batter in the hole in his head and see how high he jumps..

    You always crack my ass up..

    1. Use my special brownie batter like putty for Duke's hole in his head?! Oh hell no. Ingesting it and coming up with new ways of making fun of his hole in the head is much more entertaining. However, the picture in my mind of me brownie-puttying his head made me laugh like a fool!

    2. I am over here laughing like a fool with my husband looking at me like I'm insane.


    3. Happy to be of service, Wheels! My husband looks at me like I'm insane most of the time. I'm good with that, it keeps him on his toes. Well, that and periodically picking up a knife, winking at him and then cackling like a crazed voodoo witch! heh